Written @ 1:56 p.m. on 2007-06-10
Sad

Feeling down today. My ex stood us up last night. I called, and his ex picked up and said,"Fuck you, bitch," and hung up. I didn't call back. This is something that I should have been able to shake off. I should have been able to say,"Wow, what a miserable human being. Not everyone can be as happy and lucky as me! Glad I'm not married to her!" But, instead, I got quite depressed.

I hadn't said a word when she hung up. I could have been the children calling to say goodnight to their father. I could have been calling to say we were in a car accident, god forbid. This lady is a first grade teacher. My ex says that ever since she came off of paxil, she has been crazy, but I took his words with a grain of salt, because, well, he lies.

The other day I asked P. if she missed her dad and his wife. She said,"Well, a little, but I don't quite understand her. When I was there, I was supposed to be asleep, but she and Daddy were fighting, and she said,'Either you get the girls out of here, or I'm leaving!' Then he brought us home early."

My heart broke. I told her that she always ALWAYS always has a spot in my household, and if B. ever asked me to choose between him and my children, B. would be out! I gave her a hug, and changed the subject, but with this insult added on top of this treatment of my children, I am greatly saddened.

I'm trying to pull out of it. I can see my mood is contagious. The kids are grumpy and B. struggled with nightmares. I rented movies, bought a box of haircolor and am listening to happy reggae. I called my ex, after I knew he was at work, to let him know what had happened. I have expected him to accuse me of making it up, but he didn't. He said that I was putting so much stress on her by not giving him custody, that she has lost it. You have to laugh. His wife's insanity is apparently MY fault.

My mom and my sister have told me to "perk up". They are getting tired of my drama. I'M getting tired of my drama. I wish I could get in bed and stay there.

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