Written @ 9:18 a.m. on 2007-07-03
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I went to help BoSo yesterday with various errands that he has trouble doing with a broken leg. The girls came along and visited with BoSo's grandmother, and played with his dogs. BoSo's mother passed away about two years ago, and I can see in so many ways that he is desperate for the support of a family. His grandmother loves him to bits, but she is of an advanced age, and requires a lot of care. When BoSo needs something, he has no one. It seems strange, because a tattoo artist always seems like a celebrity, with friends and hangers-on where ever he goes, but when the going gets rough those guys are nowhere to be found. They are only there to take part in the party.
BoSo and I are no longer together in a romantic sense, but I can't stop caring about him. I know B. is a better choice for me, he is uncritical, undramatic and consistently, lovingly there. He is rock solid where BoSo can be a quivering mass of needs and emotions, mindgames and blackness. No matter what I do, I love them both. I can't do anything other than be honest, and faithful. B. and I have had long talks about it. It is a difficult fence rail to walk, but it is what it is. I have had enough crazy men in my life, but I have found it a difficult addiction to give up. In the end, I am an adreneline junkie. BoSo's drama is a part of the fascination.
Sigh. I'm such a tortured artist. LOL!
More men. My ex wants to take the girls overnight on thursday night. These overnight visits make me nervous. Partly because I know that he and his new wife argue late into the night, and partly because I am afraid that the girls will decide that they like it better there or my ex will decide he wants them back. I always feel like my place in this family is threatened. Although, having had them full time these months has given me a more secure footing than ever before.
I discovered my first wrinkles and my mother bought me my first jar of Oil of Olay. I'll let you know if I suddenly turn into an unbelievably attractive glamorpuss. I'm only 27, but I've been thinking a lot about being old. It only proves "The Secret" to be true...think about aging, get premature wrinkles.