Written @ 9:31 p.m. on 2007-08-07
Another Grandfather Gone
I've been pacing around the house trying to think of what will make me feel less anxiety ridden. I decided that eating a red freezepop would fix it.
Just as I was writing the above sentance, B. came in, with a bag in his hand for me. Calgon bubblebath, some yummy smelling bodywash stuff, and some whoppers, my favorite!
"I didn't know what to get, but I remembered the commercials from the eighties,"CALGON! Take me away!" and I thought that is just the sort of situation we are in! I hope it's ok. Let's make you a bubblebath. Girls like bubblebaths."
"Ohh! It's blue! Like the toilet!" I said, pouring it into the bathtub.
"Hmm. Let's hope it doesn't stain. I'll be coming home later tonight to Smurfette!"
"You are THE BEST BOYFRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!!! I love you!!!!!"
My other grandfather died today. I was the one to break it to my mother, as the rest of the family was afraid to tell her. I never knew him. My mother told me that he was a more abusive man than anything I could have ever seen in the movies, and ended our family's relationship with him when I was two. I am much more upset about this Grandfather's passing on than the previous one. The previous one seemed right and natural. My mother's father I very rarely think about, and when I do think about him I get very angry, and his dying made me think about how very angry I am at him for making my mother's life an inpenetrable hell for her entire childhood. The times that she was not a good mother to me, she was really dealing with the side effects of growing up with him.
All day I helped BoSo pack up his shop in 90 degree heat and 90 percent humidity, and his artist/egomaniac attitude was grating my nerves. All day I worried about my mother's reaction to the news. She is on vacation in New Jersey with my father, and she seemed very practical on the phone...who needed to be called, what needed to be done. I wish I was there to hold her hand and listen to whatever she had to say. I called her tonight, and she said she wants to go to the memorial service. That I could not understand, as I figured people will be standing around saying nice things about him, and that might make her mad, but she pointed out that she really wants to be with her brother, so she will go.
It's a very difficult phone call to make to call one's mother and tell her a parent has died, regardless of the state of their relationship. It was more scary in this case, I think, because no one knew which way she would go. Tonight, when I called to check on her, she said that she was relieved.
Social Services called. They are coming at 5 o'clock tomorrow.
Still broke.
Thank God for B.
My life lately is fucking relentless.