Written @ 9:29 a.m. on 2007-09-18
No Sleep Til Brooklyn!
I was so exhausted last night I fell asleep at 8ish, right after the girls went to bed. I slept a sound and wonderful sleep until eleven, when I woke up refreshed and ready to start my day. Only, one can't really start their day at 11, can they?
So, then I was up. Up, up, up, talking on the phone to BoSo, who, the bastard, took the liberty to tell me how awesome and incredible and unbelievable the pagan festival was, even though I begged him to tell me it sucked and I hadn't missed a thing. Nice friend. Won't even tell me a little baby lie.
At 1:30 B. came in. He tucked me in, gave me kisses and snuggles, and I lay in a horizontal position with my eyes shut, but I was still awake. I counted sheep, I counted verbs I know in spanish, I counted the number of times I have had to appear in court with my ex, I counted actors that I think are hot...no sleep. I pretended I was asleep, which usually puts me to sleep, but I did a little to good a job, because B. kissed me and hugged me and left to go do billing for the shop. Yeah, 2 in the morning to him is like our 5 in the afternoon. I'm not kidding when I say he's nocturnal.
I must have drifted off, because N. woke me up."Mommy?" She had a sore throat. Time to kick into mommy gear. I told her to get a drink of water, felt her forehead, hugged her and kissed her, let her lay with me a little, and then sent her back to bed.
Ok, it's 2 or 3. Time to get to the business of sleeping. No more joking around.
I fall asleep and proceed to dream that I am on a bus with the actor Jerry O'Donnell. He was driving the bus, but he left his post to have sex with me in the back. The sirens of cops pulling us over interrupted our passion, but Jerry, the ass, doesn't make any move to continue driving the bus, which has been driving its' self down the highway this whole time. In my dream I assumed it was illegal to allow a bus to drive its self .
I, being terminally responsible, decide to assume the role of driver. The cops pull us over, and they are like, border patrol or something. They want to see everyone's id. They have a sniffing dog. They inspect us all, and then let us go, with a "have a nice day!"
I am so relieved, and I find the whole situation hysterical in my dream,"They thought I was the driver! Hahahaha! We were having sex in the back! No one was driving! hahahaha!
In real life it's not that funny.
All of a sudden, B. is coming through my door, throwing on the light, with a glass of milk in his hand. 4 am.
"Baby, I'm sorry, I have an emergency! I think I lost a tooth. I put it in this glass of milk, but I can't find the place in my mouth where the tooth is missing. Help me."
With one eye open, I stick my finger in B's mouth and proceed to feel for a broken tooth. I don't ask questions.
"Let me see the tooth."
He reaches in his glass of milk. He fishes all around in there. He hands the glass to me. I fish all around in there. No tooth.
"But," he stammers." I put the tooth in there! I was eating M&Ms, and this hard white thing came out, and I put it in the milk."
"Oh, my god, B. It was a piece of M&M. It was sugar. When you put sugar in water, it FUCKING DISSOLVES."
Have you ever seen a bad M&M that is white? Like, when the shell doesn't get it's proper coating? I think that's what happened.
"Lay down, putz. Let me tell you about Jerry O'Donnell in the bus."
So, we hop in bed again, and start talking. "Who's Jerry O'Donnell?" "You know the fat kid who grew up to be hot from Stand By Me?" "Oh, yeah." "I don't think I'm going to eat M&Ms anymore." "Yeah. That was pretty funny." "I was scared!" "You're an idiot." "I love you." "I love you too."
Pretty soon the sun is coming up. I say forget it, and haul my ass out of bed. Yawn. Pass me some coffee.