Written @ 8:49 p.m. on 2007-10-31
Samhain
Blessed Be, Everybody! Samhain (pronounced sow-hen in my neck of the woods) is a major wiccan observance of the passing of time, of death, of endings, change, and eventual rebirth. It is a time to remember those who have passed on, and a time to tell stories about our ancestors. It is a time for divination and a traditional family meal, with an extra place set at the table for whomever, living or dead, who would like to join. It is a time that, it is often said, the veil between the worlds is thin, so if there is someone "out there" that you want to talk to, now would be the time to do it. It is the end of the year, the day between the years, and tomorrow we will start anew.
My two grandfathers passed on this year, one with only having one conversation with me in 25 years. From the fruit of his labors, my family has been supported for the past two months. I am very grateful for that. He, inadvertantly, made a dream come true of mine, to spend more time with my daughters. Thankyou.
My other grandfather I have written about at length already. He gives me my love of nature, of walking, and therefore probably without him, I would never have been a wiccan. I am grateful for that.
My matrelineal grandmother passed away about ten years ago. I was thinking today about her hands, and how beautiful they were. The skin on them was translucent, you could see her blue veins on the back of her hands, her long fingers, her long, manicured nails. Her hands were elegant, like a Geisha dancer, with a cigarette, or a scotch on the rocks, or a pair or delicate kid skin gloves from a high end department store. I thought that they were entrancing. When I was a child, people told me that I looked like her, but not anymore. She stayed for 38 years in an abusive relationship. She inspired me to escape. I am grateful for that. I didn't love her enough, but I loved her very much. I wish that we could have been closer. Now that I think of it, perhaps from her I inherited my flair for the dramatic. The hat that no one else would wear, the pure hatred for small mindedness, my drive to make it all MORE.
A year ago I worked in a cubicle. A year ago I only had 1/2 time with my kids, and that was absorbed by working outside the home. A year ago, I lived in a tiny, one bedroom, second floor apartment with a back alley entrance. A year ago, B. dressed up as the devil, and took me to a halloween party where we only stayed fifteen minutes before we snuck away to make love. A year ago, I was recovering from months of being ill with something that doctors could find no cause for. A year ago I was overjoyed that I had a good job, that I had a good man, that I lived with my kids, that I wasn't in the hell of my life of TWO years ago. Who would believe that it would get even BETTER?
Grateful. Grateful. Grateful.
I didn't cook the meal. I didn't pour the scotch on the rocks for Grandma. I didn't carve the pumpkins, or tell the stories to the girls. I didn't attend the grand public circle I was invited to. But, I am taking a moment to light a candle, meditate, and reflect.
A simple Samhain, but observed in my own way.