Written @ 8:57 p.m. on 2007-12-02
Bahhhhhhh Humbug!
Major anxiety today. I'm freaking out with the holiday pressure. We have to see my ex's parents, we have to see B's parents, we have to see B's parents' friends, we have to see my parents, we have to go to a winter festival, we have to go to the school craft party, we have to trim the tree, we have to throw a cookie exchange party, we have to buy or make creative, thoughtful, thrilling gifts, we have to wrap them...that's all I can think of at this moment, and IT'S NOT EVEN MY FREAKIN' HOLIDAY! I told B's mom that at our house we celebrate on the solstice, not on actual christmas, and she said,"WHAT? What's solstice? When is that? I've never heard of that!" Not in a negative way, but...she had never heard the WORD solstice, let alone conceptualized that someone could celebrate that.
My holiday, celebrated on or around the winter solstice (in my experience, Wiccans can be flexible) is about celebrating the return of the sun into our lives. Survival. Making it through dark times. At the darkest hour comes the dawn...that kind of stuff. We call it Yule.
I didn't go into it with B's mom because I really couldn't deal with the squint I know that she would give me. She's adorable and lovely, and much too polite to say anything. She'll just squint, and say nothing. Like about the dreads. Same squint. It's not a mean squint. She's just never seen anything like me before.
So, the girls are already programmed with the Santa Claus, and the buy me somethings, and all of the super commercialized vileness. I want to have a natural tree, with homemade decorations, but last year someone heard that we didn't a tree, and dumped fifty lbs of christmas decorations and an artifical tree on me. This year, Poppop gave us an even better (even artificial-er) one! It was a nice thought, but I don't need the set of 12 snoopy character decorations. No, I don't. I want the pinecones with the glitter and the red ribbon, and those cute little things people make out of wheat (do you have any idea what I'm talking about?) Wheat things! Or maybe some fancy blown glass thingies. Ooh, or you know what I love? Those birds made out of real feathers. LOVE those.
Not gold kittens in mittens! Not the moose that farts and says,"Do you hear what I hear?" Too late! And I just don't have the energy to fight. And then there was the carebear christmas CD. My brother gave the girls a carebear christmas CD, and what kind of a scrooge would deny a child that? Come on! It's Christmas!
So, now I got a fake tree, with rainbow lights (already installed)(HATE rainbow lights), and 12 snoopies, and gold kittens with mittens. And garland. Lots and lots of garland on everything...on the windows, on the doors, on the children's beds. It's "festive".
B's mom, she is so sweet. I don't mean to say a cross word about her because really, she is totally awesome. She's just way, way WAY more into it than I am. And I still try to be on my best behavior around her, so I have to say yes to the Santa oven mitts, and yes to the matching santa dish towels, and yes to the glowing snowman and yes to the glowing santa claus, and yes to the snowman coffee mugs (which, actually, I do kind of like). The coffee mugs can stay. Everything else, OUT!!!!!!!!!
No.
It's not about me. It's about the beauty of a family that is full of love.
And about buying stuff for them.