Written @ 9:31 p.m. on 2007-12-21
Solstice 07

Happy Solstice!
"The Sun is born again today.
We greet the sun's first morning rays.
We sing and celebrate the light.
The sun was born the longest night!"
-borrowed without permission from Circle Round, Raising Children in Goddess Traditions

We have been singing this song today. The weather was misty/snowy when we walked home from school. Fall leaf piles are being revealed in spots, as about five inches of ice is slowly given a chance to melt. When I arrived home, I had a Solstice card waiting for me from my walking-to-school friends...not a Christmas card, a Solstice card!

"The miracle of winter solstice enters our hearts and our homes!" says the card, put out by the American Heart Association. Right on!

I also had a package from my favorite Aunt! This is a surprise, because she is usually against Christmas giving. Since she is a like-minded wiccan (as well as being, you know, my hero) I felt no reservations on tearing right into that package today, it being the Solstice and all. The girls got some LOVELY picture books that you could just eat with a spoon; the illustrations looks so sensuous.

I got a pair of her very own hand knitted socks (score!) in lavender. They were wrapped up like she does to sell them at market...with a cute little tag that says,"Bed socks, boot socks, sitting by the fireplace socks..." Inside the socks was a fat roll of five dollar bills, wrapped in a piece of paper that says,"FOR YOU TO SPEND ON YOURSELF." That's why she's my hero.

No ritual tonight. Boso was going, so I decided not. Plus, Friday night visitation. We visited.

I am feeling like the Solstice may be my nadir. In the darkest days are my darkest days. I am really disgusted with myself on so many levels. Thoroughly...grossed out by my exterior, my interior, my past and my present. Lots of work to do in the new year. Lot's of housecleaning at Chateau Hil. I'm tired of being a bottom feeder, and I'm tired of being so god damned lazy. I'm tired of being ruled by my demons. I went down to the bottom of the pit, in my childhood, in my marriage and divorce, in my custody battle...I went way, way down to the dirty, dirty bottom. But, I am not planning to make it my permanent residence.

I am grateful for the fantastic, out of this world heavenly family I have. When I hang out with B and the girls, I am hanging out with my best friends.

I am grateful for a healthy body.

I am grateful to know that my body is not my limit, but I am a limitless, boundless, immeasurable spirit.

Happy Solstice!

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