Written @ 7:36 p.m. on 2007-09-21
Beast
The best part of the day was this evening, just after dinner. There is a Mormon family that lives two doors down, and they have a child in N's class, and a child in P's class. They all seem very nice, and this evening we invited them out to play with bikes and scooters in the alley behind my house. Some childhood memory was stirred in the center of my chest when I yelled,"CAR!" and all of the children scattered onto the grass. How many million times did I yell,"CAR!" from age 4 to fifteen?
My dad and I used to play catch in the street, and I used to play dozens of outside games with neighbor children until it was too dark to see a ball. Now, everything is ultra, mega supervised, but Mormon Mom seems pretty cool. She was quick to assure me that she wasn't a "SUPER Mormon". Not sure what that means, but it gives me some comfort. I'll be ixnay on the iccan-way for a little, though, until I can feel them up....just checking if you were still reading! Feel them out. I mean feel them out.
The rest of the day was the same crap as usual. I've been granted a visit from my old friend, the depression beast. I am trying to look at it with perspective, and tell myself. "Yeah, I get depressed sometimes. No big deal. It passes, man. It's part of being a creative genius." That's what I'm telling myself, anyways.
Everything hurts. My throat hurts. My stomach hurts. Weird, internal organish pains cause erruptions from both directions. My skin is freakin'. My hair is dry.
I'm doing the things I know to help. Calling friends. Taking multiple walks outside. I think I walked about 3 miles today. Eating square meals. Fighting the siren's call of my bed. "Wallow, Hil. It will feel so good. Sit in it and marinate, baby. Come on. You aren't nearly as down yet as you could be..."
Today I saw wedding pictures of old highschool friends, and everyone was radiant. I'm never radiant, lately. When this money comes, I'm going to do some investing in me. I did eat pretty healthy (for me) today.
Breakfast: Oatmeal
Lunch: one slice pizza
dinner: half a chicken breast with bbq sauce, salad, cranberry sauce
dessert: big, beautiful, amazing brownie
Maybe I can keep this up.
Money
Money
Money
My ex is a dick.
Money