Written @ 12:49 p.m. on 2007-11-18
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My ex got upset about some wording in a legal document. He sent the girls home, crying hysterically, in the middle of their weekend visit, because, even though both myself and my lawyer told him that there was no problem, he construed that it was illegal for him to have the kids. And that it was MY fault.
I am the puppet of a madman.
B. and I hugged the girls tight, and tried to explain in calm, rational sentances what makes absolutely no sense. We rented Spiderman 3, pulled out Candyland and Shoots and Ladders, and bought a couple of boxes of Little Debbie's for the girls in a desperate attempt to turn the mood around last night. Four dollars spent. They fell asleep wrapped in blankets in front of the tv, and only after tucking them into their beds could B. and I both have a good rant and a good cry.
I feel so lucky that I have a safe, warm environment to envelope them when things go crazy with my ex. If I hadn't left him, they would have no safe place. I almost killed myself trying to create this sanctuary, but now, at least at my house, there is some stability, some love, and some order.
Still, another part of me wants to run far, far away where he can't hurt them...the top of a mountain surrounded by crocodiles and stinging nettles, and a river of pirhanas, where the natives shoot poison darts at whoever dares to passby.
This morning we woke up to SNOW! It is furiously coming down, and has been all day, but nothing is sticking. This is the best of all worlds...beautiful snow, and no mess to clean up. This is the first we have seen all year, and the children and I bundled up with mittens, hats and scarves knitted by Granny, and set out to check it out. I LOVE snow, I actually love being freezing cold. I finally feel like I've found my natural habitat when I am in the snow. The girls and I walked under the still brightly colored fall leaves with our tongues sticking out to catch the snowflakes. We sang silly songs and hiked about a mile over to the sleeping B.'s house. I gave him a kiss, and then we walked home. The trip home was facing the wind, and the girls enjoyed that much less. Hot chocolate was despersed (yeah, I'm using sugar to solve all the world's problems, lately) and now everyone is in good spirits. Considering.
I'm doing the best that I can.